1 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:38,356 'Far back in the mists of ancient time, 2 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:42,633 'in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, 3 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,879 'life was wild, rich and, on the whole, tax-free. 4 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,389 'Mighty starships plied their way 5 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,433 'between exotic suns, seeking adventure and reward 6 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,677 'amongst the furthest reaches of Galactic space. 7 00:00:55,880 --> 00:01:00,351 'In those days, spirits were brave, stakes were high, men were real men, 8 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,596 'women were real women, 9 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,076 'and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri 10 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,955 'were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. 11 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,232 'All dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, 12 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,955 'to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before. 13 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,118 'And thus was the Empire forged. 14 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,036 'Many men, of course, became extremely rich, 15 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:38,391 'but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of, 16 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:42,559 'because no one was really poor - at least no one worth speaking of. 17 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,115 'And for these extremely rich merchants, 18 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:50,154 'life eventually became rather dull, 19 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,591 'and it seemed that none of the worlds they settled on 20 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,553 'was entirely satisfactory. 21 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,910 'Either the climate wasn't quite right 22 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,078 'in the later part of the afternoon... 23 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,513 'or the day was half an hour too long... 24 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,519 '..or the sea was just the wrong shade of pink.' 25 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,597 (GULLS CRY) 26 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,910 'And thus were created the conditions 27 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,839 'for a staggering new form of industry - 28 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,918 'custom-made luxury planet building. 29 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,910 'The home of this industry was the planet Magrathea, 30 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,398 'where vast hyperspatial engineering works were constructed 31 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,478 'to suck matter through white holes in space 32 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,875 'and form it into dream planets, 33 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,197 'lovingly made to meet the exacting standards 34 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,436 'of the Galaxy's richest men. 35 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,279 'And so successful was this venture 36 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:57,109 'that very soon Magrathea itself became the richest planet of all time 37 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,710 'and the rest of the Galaxy was reduced to abject poverty. 38 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,480 'And so the system broke down. 39 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,511 'The Empire collapsed 40 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,793 'and a long, sullen silence settled over the Galaxy... 41 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,514 'Magrathea itself disappeared 42 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,757 'and its memory soon passed into the obscurity of legend. 43 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:21,112 'In these enlightened days, no one believes a word of it.' 44 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,880 (FORD ) I don't believe a word of it. 45 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,231 (SQUEAKING) 46 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,398 Listen to me, Ford, I've found it. I swear I've found it! 47 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,273 - Magrathea? - Yeah! 48 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:38,234 - A non-existent planet. - Yeah, er, no... Listen...it's... 49 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,476 Myth. Magrathea's a fairy story. 50 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,956 What you tell kids if you want them to grow up to become economists. 51 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,116 We are currently in orbit around it! 52 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,550 YOU may be in orbit around it! 53 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,512 - Computer! - Oh, no! 54 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,712 Hi, there, this is Eddie, your shipboard computer, 55 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,195 and I'm feeling just great, guys. 56 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,358 I'll get a bundle of kicks out of any program you care to run! 57 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:03,951 - Is this necessary? - Computer, what is our trajectory? 58 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,116 A real pleasure, fella! 59 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,232 We are currently in orbit at an altitude of 300 miles 60 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,795 around the legendary planet Magrathea. Golly! 61 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:16,073 Proving nothing. I wouldn't trust that computer to speak my weight! 62 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:19,352 - I can do that! - No, thank you 63 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,996 I can even work out your personality problems to ten decimal places. 64 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:27,751 Take us down, Computer. Take us down nice and low. 65 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,436 (SQUEAKING) 66 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,798 What's going on? 67 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,675 According to Zaphod, Magrathea is this legendary planet, 68 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,075 which no one seriously believes in. 69 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:48,111 And now we're going to land on it. 70 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,199 Oh? Is there any tea on this spaceship? 71 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,598 (ZAPHOD ) That is the planet we're orbiting around 72 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,360 and that is Magrathea! They're the same! 73 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,109 - Check, check, check! - Check, check, check (!) 74 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,276 Can we see it at all, Computer? 75 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,198 - Hi, there. - Can we see it 76 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,676 From up here? No way! You wouldn't want to anyway. 77 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,519 It's just cold and grey and a whole bunch of no fun. 78 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,188 Great! For this, I got my ears pierced! 79 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,598 With half the Empire's wealth stored on it, it can afford to look frumpy! 80 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,791 - I don't believe you. - Why not? 81 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,958 You tend to lie a lot. I think it's just any old dead planet. 82 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,913 The suspense is killing me (!) 83 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,033 'Stress and nervous tension are now serious social problems 84 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,310 'in all parts of the Galaxy, 85 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,159 'and it is in order that this situation 86 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,430 'should not be in any way exacerbated 87 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,679 'that the following facts will now be revealed in advance. 88 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,519 'The planet in question is, in fact, Magrathea. 89 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,915 'The missile attack shortly to be launched 90 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,076 'by an ancient automatic defence system 91 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:56,034 'will merely result in the breakage of three coffee cups 92 00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:01,678 'and a mouse cage, the bruising of someone's upper arm 93 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:07,432 'and the untimely creation and demise of a bowl of petunias... 94 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,154 'and an innocent sperm whale. 95 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:14,592 'In order that some sense of mystery should still be preserved, 96 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,756 'no revelation will yet be made 97 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,235 'concerning whose upper arm has been bruised. 98 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,399 'This fact may safely be made the subject of suspense 99 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,797 'since it is of no significance whatsoever. 100 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,468 'Arthur's next question is very complex and difficult 101 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,671 'and Zaphod's answer is wrong in every important respect.' 102 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,278 Is it safe? 103 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,358 Of course! It's been dead for five million years. (FANFARE) 104 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,835 Greetings to you. 105 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,873 Computer, what's this? 106 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,117 A five-million-year-old holotape being broadcast at us. 107 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,709 This is a recorded announcement 108 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,559 as I'm afraid we're all out at the moment. 109 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,797 The Commercial Council of Magrathea... 110 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,753 - A voice from ancient Magrathea! - OK, OK! 111 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:02,238 ..regrets that the entire planet is temporarily closed for business. 112 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,237 Thank you. 113 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,078 Leave your name 114 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:09,750 and the address of the planet where you can be contacted 115 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,076 when you hear the tone. (BEEP) 116 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,589 They want us to leave. What do we do? 117 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,872 - We keep going. Got that, Computer - Got it! 118 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,912 (FANFARE) It is most gratifying 119 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:28,752 that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated... 120 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,316 and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles 121 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,670 currently converging with your ship 122 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,838 are part of a special service 123 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:43,353 we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, 124 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,994 and the fully-armed nuclear warheads 125 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,192 are, of course, merely a courtesy detail. 126 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:54,633 We look forward to your custom in future lives. Thank you. 127 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:59,118 If that's their sales pitch, what's the complaints department like? 128 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:03,757 Listen, you semi-evolved simian! Will you crowbar this into your cranium? 129 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:08,033 We just triggered off an ancient recording device. 130 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,435 - It doesn't apply to us. - And the missiles? 131 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,074 Missiles? You want to make me laugh? Show me some missiles! 132 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,670 I think they're going to have a very good try at applying to us. 133 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,952 What? (BEEPING) 134 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:27,511 Terrific! They're trying to kill us! You know what that means? 135 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,678 - Yes, we're going to die. - Yeah...no...maybe... 136 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,030 It means there's something down there they don't want us to have, 137 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,312 and if they don't want us to have it that badly, 138 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,432 - I want to have it even worse. - So there is someone down there? 139 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,756 No. It's automatic defence systems. 140 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,678 - What are we going to do? - Just keep cool. 141 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,915 Is that all? 142 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,998 Er, no, we're also going to take evasive action. 143 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,555 Computer, what evasive action can we take? 144 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,558 - Er, none, I'm afraid, guys. - Or something.. 145 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,035 There's something jamming my guidance systems. 146 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,151 Impact minus 150 seconds. 147 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,430 (ALARM Sorry. I didn't mean that. 148 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,519 Please call me Eddie if it will help you relax. 149 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:08,918 Right, Computer, I want full manual control of this ship now! 150 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:12,271 - You got it. - But can you fly her 151 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,436 - No. Can you? - No. 152 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:15,993 - Ford? - No. 153 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,838 Fine. We'll do it together. 154 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,235 - I can't either. - I'd guessed. 155 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,590 Computer, activate the manual consoles. 156 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,475 Sure thing. Good luck, guys. Impact minus 125 seconds. 157 00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,557 Here goes! 158 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,029 - We're veering too far. - She's going into a spin! 159 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,277 Then, dive her out of it! Dive! Dive! 160 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,314 'It is, of course, more or less at this point 161 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:48,958 'that one of our heroes sustains a slight bruise to the upper arm. 162 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:54,234 'This should be emphasised because, as has already been revealed, 163 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,078 'they escape otherwise completely unharmed, 164 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,796 'and the deadly nuclear missiles do not eventually hit the ship. 165 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,355 'Our heroes' safety is absolutely assured.' 166 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,710 Impact minus 88 seconds, guys. 167 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,559 You can't shake them! We're going to die! 168 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,433 169 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,359 170 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,551 Shut that bloody computer up! 171 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:20,036 Zaph, do you think we can stabilise at X00 547 172 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,276 if we split our flight path 173 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,675 tangentially across the vector of 9 GX 78 174 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,155 with a 5-degree inertial correction? 175 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:31,797 What? Yes, I expect so. Just do it! Do you think she's bluffing? 176 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:33,998 Here goes! 177 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,911 Hey, where'd you learn a stunt like that? 178 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,475 Going round Hyde Park Corner on a moped. 179 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,433 - What? - I'll tell you later. Hold tight. 180 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,552 181 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:03,799 The missiles are gaining on us! We are quite definitely going to die! 182 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,194 Hey! Why don't we use the Improbability Drive? 183 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,039 Are you crazy? Without programming, anything could happen. 184 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,755 Whereas, at the moment, we just definitely die. Is that it? 185 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,873 Does anyone have a good reason for not using the Improbability Drive? 186 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,629 It's been great getting to know all you guys. God bless. 187 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,912 Does anyone have a good reason for not using the Improb...? 188 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:49,510 - What the photon happened? - Well, there's this switch here... 189 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,951 - Where are we? - Exactly where we were, I think. 190 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,116 What about the missiles? 191 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,756 Well, according to this, they have turned into a bowl of petunias 192 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,394 and a very surprised-looking whale. 193 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:07,709 At an Improbability Level of 8,767,128 to 1 against. 194 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,708 - Did you think of that, Earthman? - Well, all I did was... 195 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,388 That's a pretty hoopy piece of thinking, you know that? 196 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,592 - It was nothing, really... - Was it? Oh, well, forget it. 197 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,916 OK, Computer, take us in to land. 198 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:23,237 I say it was nothing... Obviously, it was something. 199 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,590 I was just trying to say 200 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,633 that it's not worth making too much of a fuss about... 201 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,035 saving everybody's lives... 202 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,676 'Another thing that nobody made too much fuss about 203 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,836 'was that, against all probability, 204 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,998 'a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence 205 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,078 'some miles above the surface of an alien planet. 206 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,750 'And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, 207 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,475 'this innocent creature had very little time 208 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,717 'to come to terms with its identity as a whale 209 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:57,117 'before it had to come to terms with suddenly not being a whale any more.' 210 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,880 Ah! What's happening? Er, excuse me? 211 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,993 Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? 212 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,350 What do I mean by, ''Who am I''? 213 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,790 Calm down! Get a grip now! 214 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,956 Oh, this is an interesting sensation. 215 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:15,870 It's a sort of yawning, tingling sensation in my...my... 216 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,197 Well, I better start finding names for things... 217 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,197 So let's call it my stomach. 218 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:25,279 So, a yawning, tingling sensation in my stomach. 219 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,789 And that whistling, roaring sound? 220 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,560 That can be wind. 221 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,797 Perhaps I can find a better name for it later... 222 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,275 Hey, what's this thing? 223 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,109 Let's call it a tail! Yeah, tail. 224 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:45,678 Hey, I can really thrash it about pretty good, can't I? Wow! Wow! Hey! 225 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,996 Doesn't seem to achieve much, 226 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,192 but I'll probably figure out what it's for later on. 227 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,675 Oh, hey, this is really exciting! 228 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,156 So much to find out about, so much to look forward to, 229 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,078 I'm dizzy with anticipation... 230 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:03,239 What's this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? 231 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:06,352 Very, very fast... 232 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:11,190 so big and flat and wide, it needs a big, wide-sounding word... 233 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,757 like round...round...ground! 234 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:20,192 That's it - ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me? 235 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,960 'Curiously enough, 236 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:26,914 'the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias was: 237 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,191 'Many people have speculated 238 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:36,393 'that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that, 239 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,797 'we should know a lot more about the Universe than we do now. 240 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,992 'Meanwhile, Trillian is about to announce 241 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,475 'a discovery of huge importance, 242 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,478 'though this is not immediately recognised by her companions.' 243 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,878 - Hey, my white mice have escaped! - Nuts to your white mice! 244 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,436 - Are we taking the Paranoid Android? - Yeah, we'll take him. 245 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,359 Don't feel you have to notice me (!) 246 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,870 What are you supposed to do with a manically depressed robot? 247 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,435 You think you've got problems? 248 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:15,428 What are you supposed to do if you ARE a manically depressed robot? 249 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,279 No, don't try to answer that. 250 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:23,156 I'm 50,000 times as intelligent as you and even I don't know the answer. 251 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:28,480 It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level! 252 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,636 Good afternoon, boys. 253 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,796 - What's that? - The computer. 254 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:37,232 It's an emergency back-up personality that I thought might work out better. 255 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,829 Now, this is going to be your first day on a strange planet, 256 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,270 so wrap up warm and no playing with any monsters. 257 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,711 - A slide rule might be better (! - Who said that? 258 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,876 Open up that exit hatch, please. 259 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,514 Not until whoever said that owns up. 260 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,199 Oh, God! 261 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:57,155 I'm waiting. I can wait all day if necessary! 262 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:02,229 Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty damn pronto, 263 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,955 I shall go straight to your major data banks with a very large axe 264 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,835 and give you a reprogramming you'll never forget. 265 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,792 OK, get the axe. 266 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,917 (DOOR OPENS) 267 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,557 (D00R) Please enjoy your day on this planet. 268 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:26,914 I can see this relationship is something we'll have to work at. 269 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:30,112 OK, come on, you guys. Let's go! 270 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,072 Yeah! 271 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,276 It's fantastic! 272 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,118 Desolate hole! 273 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,319 (TRILLIAN) It's so stark and dreary! 274 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:55,433 (ARTHUR) It's absolutely fantastic! It's only just getting through to me. 275 00:16:55,640 --> 00:17:00,031 A whole new alien world, thousands of light years away from home... 276 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,878 Pity it's such a dump! 277 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,799 (FORD ) I could have a better time in a cat litter. 278 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,679 What's this? 279 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,440 - Whalemeat. - Eugh! 280 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,394 Come on, you guys, we've got to get into this planet! 281 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,716 I'm not into it! 282 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,115 - INTO it! - INTO it? 283 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,675 Would you stay out here in a dump like this? 284 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,678 The Magratheans all lived underground, you know. 285 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,314 Why - was the surface polluted or over-populated? 286 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,556 No, they just didn't like it very much. 287 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,751 There's an opening in the ground. 288 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,110 (FORD ) Looks like a tunnel. 289 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,993 OK, guys, here we go! 290 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,794 Let's get on in there! 291 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,035 Into the interior of the planet! 292 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,356 That is where we have to go! 293 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,996 Down into the very depths of time itself, 294 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:14,273 where no man has trod these five million years! 295 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,996 We are not going to be great, we are not going to be amazing - 296 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,636 we are going to be amazingly amazing! 297 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,992 - Sounds awful! - Can it, Marvin! 298 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,598 Life, loathe it or ignore it - you can't like it! 299 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,035 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 300 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,435 We've been attacked once already! 301 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,596 Look, kid, I promise you, 302 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,349 the live population of this planet is nil plus the five of us. 303 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,949 Let's get on in there, OK? 304 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,434 OK. 305 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,589 Hey, Earthman... 306 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,995 - Earthman... - Arthur. 307 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,589 Yeah, could you just sort of keep the robot with you 308 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,438 and guard this end of the passage? 309 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,235 Guard? What from? You said there was no one here! 310 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,954 Yeah, well, just for safety, OK? 311 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,435 Whose? Yours or mine? 312 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,200 Good lad. OK, here we go! 313 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,630 Well, I hope you all have a really miserable time! 314 00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,434 - Don't worry! They will. - Come on! 315 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,515 - Hey, spooky, eh? - And dark. 316 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,553 You've still got your sunglasses on. 317 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,478 Too right! 318 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,318 Look at this! 319 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,512 Any idea what those strange symbols on the walls are, Zaphod? 320 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,951 Yeah! They're strange symbols of some kind. 321 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,879 It's hard to tell with my shades on! 322 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,511 I wish I had heads like you, Zaphod. 323 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,793 I could have endless fun bashing them against walls! 324 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,036 Hey, don't bug me, Ford! 325 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,993 - Yeah! - Yeah? 326 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:16,718 Yeah! These are the greatest shades in the known sky! Look at the copy. 327 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,639 ''Joo Janta 200 SuperChromatic Peril-Sensitive sunglasses. 328 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,638 ''To help you develop a relaxed attitude to danger. 329 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,673 ''At the first hint of trouble, they turn black 330 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,031 ''and thus prevent you from seeing anything that might alarm you.'' 331 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,832 You're mad! 332 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,790 I thought I just saw a movement down at the end of the corridor! 333 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:51,109 No...it's just shadows... There's no one here. 334 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:52,719 Trust me. 335 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:58,233 Zaphod, mate, I'd trust you as far as I could comfortably spit a rat! 336 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,079 This is a dead planet, man! 337 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,191 There's definitely something there. 338 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,356 No... 339 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,954 Listen... 340 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,439 Night's falling. Look, Robot, the stars are coming out. 341 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,599 - I know. Wretched, isn't it? - But that sunset...! 342 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,349 I've never seen anything like it in my wildest dreams! 343 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,836 The two suns... It was like... 344 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,476 mountains of fire, boiling into space! 345 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,990 I've seen it. It's rubbish. 346 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,668 We only had the one sun at home. 347 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,950 I came from a planet called Earth. 348 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,596 I know. You keep going on about it. It sounds awful. 349 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,314 Ah, no! It was a beautiful place. 350 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,750 Did it have oceans? 351 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,873 Oh, yes, great, big, wide, rolling, blue oceans. 352 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,150 Can't bear oceans. 353 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,794 Tell me, do you get on well with other robots? 354 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,390 Hate them. Where are you going? 355 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,194 I think I'll take a short walk. 356 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,197 Don't blame you. 357 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,710 You choose a cold night to visit our dead planet. 358 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,876 Who are you? 359 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,036 My name is not important. 360 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,753 You startled me. 361 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,236 Do not be alarmed. I will not harm you. 362 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,590 But you shot at us. The missiles... 363 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,472 An automatic system. 364 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,513 Ancient computers ranged in the long caves 365 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:48,077 deep in the bowels of the planet tick away the dark millennia, 366 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,636 and the ages hang heavy on their dusty databanks. 367 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,593 They take the occasional potshot to relieve the monotony. 368 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,473 I'm a great fan of science, you know. 369 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,954 Really? 370 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,479 Oh, yes. 371 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,673 Er... 372 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,154 Er... 373 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,794 You seem ill at ease. 374 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:17,314 OH! Yes, well, actually, I don't think we expected anyone to be about, in fact. 375 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,990 No disrespect, but I gathered you were all dead. 376 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,193 Dead? No, we have but slept for five million years. 377 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,789 Nothing much seems to have changed. 378 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,118 Slept? 379 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,471 Yes, through the economic recession. 380 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,750 Economic recession? 381 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,236 Five million years ago, the Galactic economy collapsed, 382 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:43,718 and seeing that custom-built planets are something of a luxury commodity... 383 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,673 - You know we built planets? - Well, I had sort of gathered that. 384 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,429 Fascinating trade. Doing the coastlines was always my favourite... 385 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:54,918 Used to have endless fun doing all the little fiddly bits round fjords. 386 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,998 Well, anyway, the recession came, 387 00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,749 and we thought it would save a lot of bother if we just slept through it. 388 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,316 So we programmed the computers to revive us when it was all over. 389 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,990 They were index-linked to the Galactic stock market prices, 390 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,395 so that we'd all be revived 391 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,479 when everybody else had rebuilt the economy enough 392 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,636 to be able to afford our services. 393 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,796 Isn't that rather unethical? 394 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,355 Is it? I'm a bit out of touch. 395 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,516 Is that your robot? 396 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,676 No, I'm mine. 397 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,350 If you'd call it a robot - it's more like an electronic sulking machine. 398 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,834 Bring it. 399 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,359 ''Bring it''! 400 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,835 On second thoughts, leave it here. 401 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,919 Bring it! Leave it! I think I'll turn myself off! 402 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:45,113 You must come with me. Great things are afoot. 403 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,595 Come. Come now or you will be late. 404 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,472 Late? What for? 405 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,875 What is your name, human? 406 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,071 Dent, Arthur Dent. 407 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,953 Late, as in the late Dentarthurdent. 408 00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,079 It's a sort of threat, you see. 409 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,635 Never been terribly good at them myself, 410 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,195 but I'm told they can be terribly effective. 411 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,356 What an extraordinary person! 412 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:12,879 Pardon? 413 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,390 Er...nothing. Where are we going? 414 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,831 We are going deep into the bowels of the planet, 415 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,511 where our race is being revived from its five-million-year-old slumber. 416 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,950 Magrathea awakes! 417 00:25:57,360 --> 00:26:00,352 Excuse me, what is your name, by the way? 418 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,596 My name? 419 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,075 My name is Slartibartfast. 420 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:08,633 I beg your pardon? 421 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,558 Slartibartfast. 422 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,830 Slartibartfast? 423 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,276 I said it wasn't important. 424 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,994 'It is an important and popular fact 425 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,352 'that things are not always what they seem. 426 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:27,471 'For instance... 427 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,159 'on the planet Earth, 428 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:33,399 'man had always assumed he was more intelligent than the dolphins, 429 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,511 'because he had achieved so much - 430 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,073 'the wheel... 431 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,872 'New York... 432 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,036 'wars, and so on... 433 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,789 'whilst all the dolphins had ever done 434 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,275 'was muck about in the water having a good time. 435 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:52,156 'The dolphins believed they were more intelligent than man 436 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,476 'for precisely the same reasons. 437 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,318 'Curiously enough, 438 00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,433 'the dolphins had long known of the impending demolition of Earth, 439 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:04,076 'and made many attempts to alert mankind of the danger... 440 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,317 'but most of their communications were misinterpreted 441 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,796 'as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for titbits, 442 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:15,915 'so they eventually gave up and left the Earth by their own means, 443 00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,554 'shortly before the Vogons arrived. 444 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,716 'The last-ever dolphin message 445 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,754 'was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt 446 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,758 'to do a double-backward somersault through a hoop 447 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,349 'whilst whistling the Star-Spangled Banner... 448 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,357 'but, in fact, the message was this: 449 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,079 'In fact, there was only one species on the planet 450 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,191 'more intelligent than dolphins, 451 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,356 'and they spent a lot of their time 452 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,471 'in behavioural research laboratories 453 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,150 'conducting frighteningly elegant and subtle experiments on man. 454 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:54,113 'The fact that man once again 455 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,710 'completely misinterpreted this relationship 456 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,673 'was entirely according to these creatures' plans, 457 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,316 'as Arthur Dent will shortly discover.' 458 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,592 Earthman, we are now deep in the heart of Magrathea. 459 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,279 How d'you know I'm an Earthman? 460 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:13,632 These things will become clear - clearer than they are at the moment. 461 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,273 Oh... 462 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,152 I should warn you 463 00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:19,555 the chamber we are about to enter 464 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,228 does not literally exist within our planet. 465 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:26,513 It is the gateway into a vast tract of hyperspace. It may disturb you. 466 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:31,840 It scares the willies out of me. Hold tight! 467 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,749 (ROARING) 468 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,719 (CELESTIAL MUSIC) 469 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,876 Welcome to our factory floor. 470 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,709 This is where we make most of our planets, you see. 471 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:57,831 You're starting up again now? 472 00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,632 Good heavens, no! 473 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:03,753 No, the Galaxy isn't nearly rich enough to afford us yet. 474 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:07,794 We've been awakened to perform just one extraordinary function 475 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,355 for very...special clients 476 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,551 from another dimension. 477 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,273 It may interest you. 478 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,277 There - in front of us. 479 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:20,717 (ARTHUR) The Earth! 480 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,798 Well, the Earth Mark II, in fact. 481 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,992 We're making a copy from our original blueprints. 482 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:30,158 Are you telling me you originally made the Earth? 483 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,158 Oh, yes. Did you ever go to a place...? 484 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,590 I think it was called Norway. 485 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,313 No, I didn't. 486 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,954 Pity. That was one of mine. 487 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,196 Won an award, you know. 488 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,356 Lovely crinkly edges. 489 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,915 I was most upset to hear of its destruction. 490 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,156 YOU were upset?! 491 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,079 Five minutes later, it wouldn't have mattered. 492 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,794 - Big cock-up. The mice were furious. - Mice? 493 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,357 Earthman, the planet you inhabited 494 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:02,997 was commissioned, paid for and run by the mice. 495 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,875 It was destroyed five minutes before the completion of the purpose 496 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,072 for which it was built. We have to build another one. 497 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,032 Mice? 498 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,798 'ARTHUR bruised his upper arm.'